Medieval Tablet Unearthed
Duke of Blowmynads Defeated King of Lichmeshaft in 1116 AD;
Battle of Crusty Crabs Chronicled In 12th Century Tome
by Heywood Jablome
ISLE OF DONG (October 21, 2009) An ancient battle which may have altered the course of western civilization has long been the subject of fierce debate among scholars. Some have maintained the battle never actually took place. Others contend that modern-day versions have relied too heavily on accounts not actually written down until centuries after the battle took place.
All that changed on Saturday when an ancient tablet was discovered, written in 1122 AD, describing the battle in detail. The tablet was written in some really stupid fucked up ancient bullshit picture-writing, as you can see, but the dweebs at the museum spent about a month figuring it out and here's what they found:
- the King of Lichmeshaft was an idiot
- the Duke of Blowmynads was a master operator, had moles inside the King's palace, was banging all his concubines, and knew all his battle plans
- the battle lasted 1 hour
- war is hell
Tablet of the Battle of Crusty Crabs.